...

My heart beats for you,
But it’s slowly dying.
I’ll have to see it through,
But I can’t stop crying.


Before I say goodbye, I just wanted to thank you.
Thank you for making me happy countless times.
For making me smile and blush like a retard.
For treating me with respect.
And for always being there for me when I fell.

Strawberries.

My heart beats for you,

But it's slowly dying.

I'll have to see it through, 

But I can't stop crying.
~~SIGH~~Ponders~~




So I was looking through my diary on Microsoft Word:P And I found this letter thingy I wrote right after the break up.... 

A little message from me to you. Hope you fucking enjoy..
"I remember those days when you used to look at me like I was some kind of miracle, I miss that, but then you dropped me like I meant nothing at all... When I heard those five specific words, my heart was torn, abandoned, & dropped. Suddenly, my world turned to darkness & night. I guess to some extent, I got used to being alone, the small sounds of you have been replaced by silence & by my thoughts echoing through my head, with no one to share them with. I stopped expecting phone calls every night & texts every morning. All in all, it's not terrible, but it truly is painful. It sucks & hurts so much that you've moved on so quickly, & at the same time, I'm sitting here all alone, closing up my eyes, trying not to cry, listening to sad music & falling into memories of you & things we used to do. I miss everything we ever had; you once made me so happy... What we used to have were special & unforgettable, but now I have to accept the fact that you'll never come back. Now is the time to try and start forgetting about you, but that's hard when everything reminds me of you... But at the same time, I actually want to be reminded of you because you still mean so much to me, but sadly, you don't care about any of this. Thanks for leaving me heartbroken.. Have a nice life. Goodbye."
--October 9, 2009 - January 11, 2010 <|3
^^ I wonder if you'll ever read any of that ^^

It's weird though. I was reading it, and I start crying?? :| What the hell. Bad times. 

Blah I didn't really have anything to say.... I was just in a sad-ish mood. 

Welp, tomorrow's Zach's birthday. I didn't get him anything.... I'm a bad girlfriend:[ Fuckkk.

This might have lotz of typos in it?

*deeps heavily* yea, I just ran downstairs REALLY quickly & ran back upstairs:P

sooo I have homework D:

AND IT SUCKS! I've been procrastinating a shit load all day.. I've literally been on the computer day & meh eyes are bloodshot red... I've watched Adventureland & She's Out Of My League today... Adventureland was boring-ish so I stopped watching it in the middle haha... but the other movie was at least entertaining.....

I've been craving Asian Helper lately hahaha.

Hmm school?

Well it was all fun since it was an even day! But in the morning, Zach & I barely got to talk =[ Then when I see him on my way to 4th period, he hugged me non-tightly & all weirdly... I could tell something was wrong! & he just sounded down =[ And it got me worried... And during the whole period, I was in deep thought. Sigh.. But then when I saw him at lunch... He was all good and we were fiddling with our hands and stufff. Jacob was being retarded & gay and was asking him to race him =[ But i was all like, "nooo don't race..." and when he asked why I just responded, "becauuuse, I've barely talked to you today & i want you here with me..." and he just smiled and said, "okay I'll stay for you" and held my hands... eeeeep!

And we had romantic kisses todaayy. =] and after school, he hugged me soo tightly ♥ gahh! ^__^

Mmmm next time I seee him outside of school i'm gonna make the move & make out...............

Watch ima have a nervous break down... But i don't wanna do it in school like what I did with Gavino cuz it's sooo unromantic & public and stufff..

He makes me smiley & blushy...♥

But today at lunch was embarrassing, awkward, and weird!!!!! Mkay sooo I picked up Zoe like in the wedding kinda way, yuh know? And while I wasss I made the loudessttt, screaammm orgasm sound ever. Hahahaha. And it was right in front of Zach & Joseph... Gah!!!! >.<

]=P

Uhhh well there's this guy named Aaron... And he told me I was hot & stuff.. Thru a myspace message.! And he was all like, "I would ask you out but you're going out with some kid." heee's a beaner.. at first, I thought he was kinda cute... But nahh! I change my mind about that! Haha he's a douche.

Mkay in Home Ec. Jazmine tries to start pointless drama with me -__- It's annoying cuz she's a fucktard! She'ss getting random people on her side and making people that I've never even talked to before hate me!! WTF. I'm about that stab her in the eyes with a fork, rip her hair out, and push my hand in her throat & go down & take her heart out. Ugh. And she has absolutely no reason to hate me.

We used to be best friends in like kindergarten... but then i moved to esperanza.. she stayed in cottonwood.... then she came to hillview... and now she's all like EWW...

But yeah... one of her UGLY ass friends, Mickenzee... Like I'm not joking.. Mickenzee is ONE ugly piece of shit... She's as tall as a beast and her fat always hangs out of her shirt & jeans... IT's nasty. Just looking at her grosses me out.. But yeah she stuck her tongue out at me. WTF? we're not little kids anymore. If you have some retarded bullshit to tell me, then say it to my face instead of saying it to Jazmine when your 2 feet away from me where it's UBER obvious.

 But anyways... THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS, SUSAN...

Oh! Courtney started randomly chatting with me today on facebook... She actually seems really nice... And I feel like if I actually do take the time to get to know her, I'll end up being awesome friends with her... but I'm not gonna take that chance because I don't trust her or what she says... :D Just being cautious.

Well I think ima start language arts, science, and history homework now... 

Gah... and he stopped texting me... So that doesn't reeally motivate me that much to get up.... Blehk.